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Flash Fiction (Unfinished)- Who Are You?
May. 13th, 2021 10:32 pmWho in the world did I marry?
It was a hell of a question to ask. And here Janice was, lying in bed sleepless and asking that question to herself.
Who the hell did I marry?
Two years of marriage preceded by years of pining and longing; how did it all come to this? To her struggling to stop crying while in bed next to a man that she no longer knew. While her beloved snored on peacefully beside her unaware that she may not even love-
No.
No.
She can't let herself think that way. She can't let herself finish that sentence even in her head. Janice closed her eyes and felt a fresh set of tears swell up behind her eyes. Her hand strayed to her stomach. Maybe this was why she lost the baby. She should have been well into six months by now, but there hadn't been anything there for a long time now. But maybe this was the reason why. Neither of them was making money and she was lying in bed questioning their marriage. How could they possibly bring a baby into this?
"I'm just not that passionate about it I guess," he had shrugged, "You know, I read that most people don't even start to be successful until they're well into their thirties. I got time."
Janice had looked at him, baffled, "It's not about the money. It's about putting your heart and soul into something that you care about."
Janice had fallen in love with Arthur for many reasons, his passion was one of the major ones. He loved helping people, he had a passion for photography and wanted to see the world. And she wanted to write about it, write about him and all the adventures he would have.
Four years of college and she felt like her bachelor's in English only scratched the surface of the literary world. But since she had to live in the real world, Janice had to get a job. Bills had to be paid and she didn't want to live with her parents forever. But she didn't want him to work. Arthur was a brilliant photographer, a charming and outgoing person. Anyone who worked with him loved him. He was so passionate about capturing the beauty of the world around him, that he worked for free for years. But even he acknowledged that real money could be made through his career path. He had the experience, the skills, and the connections. All he needed was the opportunity.
Aside from a few paid gigs, despite being on the payroll of two different companies as a freelancer- Arthur never had a steady job in his life.
Janice worked part time during high school and full time during college and part of grad school. As a matter of fact, she had to drop to part time pursuing her graduate degree because it became too much to do both, work and school, full time. It had been grueling, she felt like she was putting her dreams on hold, but it was worth it for him. She didn’t want him to suffer the way she did. Janice thought that Arthur had too much talent and potential to spend even so much as twenty hours a week stuck in an office or behind a cash register.
Janice worked to pay bills for him, so he could focus on his photography. So, he could focus on his dream of photographing the world without the mundane worry about paying bills. So, he wouldn't miss an opportunity to travel because of some company's schedule.
It took him seven years to finish school. And his interests strayed to other things. A damn videogame.
It started out innocently. Gene introduced him to it. They played together on weekends. But Gene had a full-time job and a wife and a baby to support. Arthur delved deeper into the community. Message boards, tournaments, videos. He never fit the stereotype of the addicted, obsessed gamer. He didn't live with his parents. He was still social and charming outside of the videogame community. He didn't spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on games and systems. And he had a wife.
There was only one game.
At first it was a way to spend his free time after classes and between gigs. Janice enjoyed his involvement in something that took his stress away. And she learned about his vulnerability.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything," he told her in a moment of true honesty and openness. He lay in her arms after they made love, taking their intimacy further, deeper. "I feel all this pressure to be better. People with half the skills but better connections are getting jobs but I'm still stuck where I am. At least playing in these tournaments make me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I'm better now than when I first started playing and I can see that."
It had been the first time Arthur had told her anything so personal. The first time he had revealed a desire to her that was more self than others. Janice had been moved that he had told her this. His desire to great in his own name, not for the sake of others.
